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By Jeff Foxworthy:

If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned, — you might live in a nation (state) that was founded by intellects but is run by idiots.

If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion or change your gender— you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt or the Taliban — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If, in the nation's largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is "cute" but hosting a sexual exploration, drag show, or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

THINK BEFORE YOU VOTE IN ALL UPCOMING ELECTIONS.

MOST OF THE IDIOTS RUNNING THIS COUNTRY SAY ONE THING AND DO THE OPPOSITE KNOWING THAT THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED THEM IN DO NOT PAY ATTENTION

LET'S SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT!!!

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY
YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT

(bang) (1f4a5_collisionsymbol)  (1f4a5_collisionsymbol) IF YOU CROSS THE U.S BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET (1f4a5_collisionsymbol)  (1f4a5_collisionsymbol)  (1f4a5_collisionsymbol)  I
A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE,
SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, WELFARE,
FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS,
SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE,
A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY'S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH RESPECT AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

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THE LEGEND OF THE FAWN & FABLE
BY FEMACOLA

nee upon a time, a fawn found herself lost while searching for mushrooms in the enchanted forest. As the shadows of the mighty oaks grew long all around her, she knew the night would soon fall. Her legs shivered in the mountain air, her stomach growled with hunger, and she felt fear creeping up her tail.

She whispered to herself, "Please, a single acorn to eat and a warm pile of leaves for a bed.

That's all I ask." As she spoke, a tear fell from her eye, glinting in the day's last light as it landed on the forest floor.

The trees themselves heard her plea. Honoring their pledge to serve any pure-hearted creature of the forest, they summoned their ancient mountain magic. Where the tiny doe's tear had fallen, an oak shoot rose and began to reach upward. The fawn watched in amazement as a grand transformation began. The tender sprout grew and grew, not into an oak, but into a majestic castle of rich wood and gleaming gold. Roots wrapped around roots, forming a doorway and a split staircase that welcomed the fawn to step forward.

After crossing the threshold, she was greeted by the most beautiful place she had ever seen.

Rich tapestries hung from every wall, and soft pillows covered every surface. A fire crackled gently in a stately fireplace, warming her to the bone. Best of all, a long table was piled high with fine foodstuffs beyond her imagination... not just because she had only ever eaten grasses, acorns, and leaves. The intoxicating smell of roasted meat, hearty vegetables, and refreshing libations drew her irresistibly to the banquet.

She dipped her muzzle into a tureen of soup, and as she lapped it up, an incredible transformation came over her as well.

Within moments, she changed from a tiny fawn into a lionhearted princess. From that day, she vowed to rule over the forest with compassion and joy. All were welcome to share the warm beds of her castle and the fine fare of her table. She named her banquet hall Fawn & Fable so she would never forget her roots and the responsibility she bore for all guests who came to her mountain home.

~ from the menu at fawn & fable at nemacolin

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